Kansas is My Enemy

Another guest column from my wife, while my next one bakes in the oven a bit longer. In light of today's Elite Eight games, seems like just the right time to run it...

I’m sitting here watching the beginnings of March Madness on TV with my husband, and so I’m thinking about basketball and the role it has assumed in my life.

I’m from Alabama, and so I am, by law of the state, a football fan, specifically an Alabama (Roll Tide!) fan. Since I grew up with a father who likes other sports (not golf, not hockey, not soccer), I do know something about basketball, but I wouldn’t say I’m as comfortable with or knowledgeable about it as I am with football.

Then I got married, and I married a man from North Carolina, where it is state law to love basketball. When we first started dating I knew that I would have to get more familiar with basketball, and more okay with watching a lot of basketball in March and the early part of April.

One day my spouse and I were discussing rivalries. In Alabama, you have one rival: Auburn. And if you’re an Alabama fan, you hate Auburn. You hate people who like Auburn, you hate the city of Auburn, you hate people who attend Auburn, you hate the colors orange and blue, and you hate tigers. I think that covers it. Oh, and even if Auburn isn’t playing Alabama, you root against Auburn in whatever sport they’re playing. If Auburn is playing Florida in lacrosse, you root for Florida.

This is what my husband didn’t understand. ‘Sure,’ he said, ‘I root against Duke when they’re playing UNC, but I root for Duke if they’re playing Michigan State.’

‘Nope, not in Alabama. If you hate Auburn, you hate them completely,’ says I.

‘But they’re representing your state. Wouldn’t you rather a team from Alabama win?’

I just shook my head. How could I explain it? Maybe it’s that there are really only two main players in the sports world in Alabama. There’s Auburn and there’s Alabama. I mean, sure, you have UAB, but they don’t really count. But in North Carolina, you have Duke, UNC, NC State, and Wake Forest. All are reasonable contenders for basketball superiority.

Still I can’t understand how you can root against a team one day, cussing them and throwing things at the TV (isn’t that what everyone does?) and then rooting for them the next day. How fickle can you be? If I root against someone, I do it completely. They’re dead to me, in all venues.

And here’s my triumphant basketball story heralding the virtues of hating completely: When we got married, which was in March, we went on our honeymoon in Asheville, NC, and this happened to coincide with the official beginning of the basketball tournament. We watched basketball in our hotel room when we weren’t out and about touring the town. To honor the creation of our new family, my husband created the Memolo March Madness Pool (now in our 8^th season). Family and friends could enter their bracket picks and whoever won got the dough. I think only 5 or 6 people signed up the first year.

Recently, I had submitted an application to Kansas for their Creative Writing PhD program. Even more recently, I had received not one but TWO rejection letters from the school. It was like they were saying, “I know we rejected you in that first letter, but we wanted to be sure you understood that you’re really rejected. Thanks.”

Understandably, this caused me to feel a certain amount of ire towards Kansas. So, when we made our bracket picks, I picked Bucknell (I think they were 14 seed) to beat Kansas. My husband said something like, ‘are you sure you want to pick Bucknell?’ and I said something like ‘screw Kansas’ except more obscene and I kept my pick.

Then the night of the game came and we watched intently. I was more invested since we had the pool going, but I really was rooting against Kansas (see my earlier discussion of completely hating your rival). Kansas had made it to the second round every time since the 1980s, so you can understand why my husband questioned my judgement. It was a tight game, and Kansas was ahead at the half. But in the last seconds of the game Bucknell hit a shot and Kansas wasn’t able to return the favor, and the game ended with Bucknell winning, 64 to 63.

I cheered for Bucknell as if I’d gone to the school and donated money to the alumni fund regularly. The Bison were my heroes. Through them, I had beaten Kansas, and had exacted my revenge for their thoughtless and painful mailing error.

Needless to say, I won the pool that year based solely on that pick. I think I won $15.

Subsequently, I have picked whoever Kansas plays in the tournament (I will hate Kansas forever), but I’ve never been right since.

--Jenn Memolo--